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I sit here Contemplating...as the Title says..." If I had Given up! "... as I Look back on the Wonderment of My Life!...The Many things I would have Missed in My Life!...Thoughts...Jobs and Places I have been. I have Lived a Life Others envy and who look at Me when I tell My Tales of My Life in total awe...Sometimes not even I can believe I have lived it! You see My life is not the one of a Normal one... but one of a Person from a very Young Age was split from a Family of 7 into 3 Families.(4) if include My 1/2 Sister living with My Mom and Stepdad making her the 8th Child A Person before the age of 5 1/2 was Transported between 6 different homes before landing with a Foster Family which I stayed with until My Graduation In answer to Your Questioning Mind... No I never Lost contact with My Family ... We were always given the Chance to know each Other!... and Yes even though was a Period in My Life went 23 Years without contact with My Oldest Sisters... Those Surviving (7) of Us... 4 Plus My one 1/2 Sister stay in Contact and know We Love each other. You see Contrary to the Popular belief if come from a Broken home Sterotype...You Never have a Chance or You always will be Negative!...You see I am a Former Foster Child...Ward of the Court and Yes Proud of it. You see! Some of Us Figure it out... It is Only You!... Who makes it so You Succeed!...You Create Your Own Destiny!...Only when! You Yourself decide to... No other Person can do it for You!...be Proud of Who You are! (1)Stay Positive! (2)Always do Your Best! (3) Give 100% if not 300% if given a chance. (4)Never Listen to Gossip or Worry about!... what Others may think of You! *Truth be told in My case... at least sometimes the words being said are True...* (though I do love the Speculation...mostly being 95% untrue) (5)Strive to Learn something New everyday! (6)Love Your Life (a)Have a Dream!... (b)Make a Plan!... (c) Work Your Plan! *Make Your Dream a Reality!* Foremostly follow these Guidelines (7)Put Your Life in this Order (1) God 1st *thats as in God as You know it... That Force/Power other then You...that makes Us who We are! ...God as in everything around You! the Wonderment of Life* (2)Yours Kids 2nd (3)Family and Friends (4) Those less Fortunate then You come next *Thats Kids...Older People...Handicapped...Homeless and Yes even Drunks or Druggies!... Because hey sometimes if look they don't have the Mentality to even help themselves... in other words feel Compassion for Your Fellow beings* (5)Then Somewhere You come into the Picture! You see if Helping Others You will find how Mundane sometimes Your Problems truly are! You see the reason I bring all this up...Always sounding like maybe a broken Record... is Yes these things Truly work!... You must always Believe in Yourself...Surround Yourself with Positive thoughts and People! *This is Not to say I Live a More Perfect Life then You! even I make Serious Mistakes because I am also Human!* You see I have Lived a Life knowing (1) Disappointment (2)Self Denial (3)Self Pity (4)Seen Death and Self Destruction (5)Seen Violence Committed against My Fellow Humans You see I have even Contemplated Suicide! when thought I may be Harming Others... Only to find these Truths!...by doing Research using various means. Police Reports...Autopsy Videos/Photos...Extensive Reading...and the Internet. I have also Played... If I did Myself in this way... how would it be Interpreted... The Psychology/Psychiatric Reports of Suicide are Brain Numbing as to Explanations... You see there are No Clear Cut answers only Facts...A few I now include! (1) Using a Gun may be (a)To Messy (b)Not all Gunshots finish You... leaving You a Vegetable (c)If not Aimed right... can Maim You leaving You Faceless or Handicapped (2)Taking Sleeping Pills (a)May not take enough... but have enough to short circuit Your Brain for life (b)May only have enough to make You get Your Stomach Pumped or get Drug Poisoning... making You extremely ill (c)Leave You drowning in Your Own Vomit (3)Smashing Up a Car (a)Might live through it leaving You Mangled for Life but alive or Leaving others Dead/Handicapped (b)Cause Extensive Property Damage *Case Studies also show 70% of Attempted Suicides if not Accomplished 1st time become final usually within 3 weeks in 1 or more additional attempts...also Usually never without a Call for Help! in some Matter or Form be it a Silent Body action or Verbal reaching out* *You see though this may seem strange... I always wanted to be also a Criminologist or an ME Can also Assure You...Suicide in My case has never truly been a viable option Nor My intend!...its merely been a curiousity as to how it may be done or why Others have done it!... I Personally in life was 1st exposed to it as a Youth of about 6 or 7 Being a Lady we called an Aunt her 1st Husband a Marine Killed himself...Years before and still was never Closure! Then again when a Friend of My Brother... an Eagle Scout at 14 hung himself... still to this day No Reason why!* You See the Point I am trying to prove... There are truly many ways to Kill Yourself!... Some so Basicly Simple also so Stupid... You'd be Amazed! Though this may be Shocking in content... The fact is if I hadn't looked at all the Possibilities of Suicide... Then I would never have come to Love My Life as it has turned out!... Trust Me when truly know how close to Death we are everyday... You may be shocked! Your even alive... I Know I am!...I also Hope!... You are too!... Life is Precious and can End so Quickly! also with a Heart Rendering Finality Remember there are Others... (1) Who may Depend on You! that Your not Aware of (2) Yes Your Life is Special (3)Yes there is a Reason!...Your here Things I have found about People! They Don't like to Hear Negative things or usually Don't Take Time to Listen! (a)If doesn't pretain to their agenda they usually don't listen (b)If usually takes more then 2 minutes of their time when not interested... they will say Your Rambling or Get to the Point!...let this be a Note!... Your probably not being listened to. (c)Usually within 5 minutes a person will if you listen... tell you what is truly bothering them (d)If a person is one who usually... doesn't like to read!...then you can't give them the information... to go for information they ask you for. (e)If a person is of a Negative Mindset then they will never see your Positive Side. (f)You can't reach all the People who... You think might like You!... if ever got to know You! (g)People on a Self Destruct Mode You can only give advice to...Their Own Self Destruction they truly are the only ones who can help themselves. So You must always (1)Let them know You Love them...but not let their Negativity get to You. (2)You must Live for those willing to see the Joys in Life! (3)Never give up hope for the People You Love! *Because even when they are Gone! there is always roon in Your Heart so they can live on.* (h)Negative People will only Hold You back from Accomplishing Your Dreams... Only! if You let them. *Remember though Foremostly It's not always beneficial for all to know what You do!... You see only those willing to take the time... Will get Your Message* Now comes to Why I am writing this!... You see if have read this Far!...and aren't to bored so far! Then maybe You will see its in Celebration of Life! not Negativity... This is Not! one of those... Hey Look at Me!...I am so Special and so above You because I wrote this!... Instead it is written in Hopes that maybe I can Help Others. Who May or May Not need it!... I Know Myself words I have read from Others helped form My Life into the Positive Sphere I call My World... I have been Given the Gift of Reading! so have read throughout My Life about (a)Successful People... (b)Words of Encouragement... (c)Words of Heroes and Heroines... (d)Words of Joy and Happiness... (e)Pain and Defeat... Foremostly The Magic of an Open Mind to Fly and Soar as the words take you through another Open Door This also Maybe might Compell You to write also Your Helpful Tips!... Sharing is the Gift of Life!... and if I can Help even one Person Then maybe I have done Good!and am more then Rewarded This is also... If I Died Today!... I would have but few Regrets... The Regrets I Might have Changed Regarding My Kids (1)If I had known January 7th 1984 at approximately 11:40 PM was going to be last time I tucked My Kids into bed as Kids. I would have (a)Hugged them tighter (b)Kissed them one more time longer (c)Told them I truly loved them less Cavalierly (d)Assured them I would be Ok as they would also be. (e)I would never have taken My Kids for Granted...as in I would always be a part of their lives *You see the next time I would truly get to speak to My Daughter was nearly 8 1/2 Years later and My Son almost 15 Years... I do not Regret this!... We grew to let time Heal what it could and We work on the Other things now as Adults... and Yes! We do have some Issues which will never be Resolved! as truly they shouldn't be!... My Love if asked grew Stronger not Weaker with this...Forgiveness is not a Thing You ask for... but Hopefully You Earn! or in My case... Give to Others Unquestioningly * The Things in My Life (2) I would have at an Earlier Age learned to let People truly know... (a) They were Loved by Me more Verbally (b)Demonstrated it with more Hugs...even Kisses (3) I would have Given more Praise where Praise was due (4) I would have Stood My Ground more Firmly when My Convictions... I knew were right! (a)This is where learned saying Sorry never say unless truly mean it (b)Never make Excuses for People...when know they are Wrong in their Thinking of You! or Others *This Breeds only Contempt or Prejudice* (c)Always ask for a Clarification of a Misinterpreted Statetment or Action. (5) I would have backed down more Often!... when knew People didn't Understand My True Intends... then Forceably trying to take advantage of the Situation (I found in this Process things taken in Force usually are not retained or You defeat the other Persons Morale... You will always walk away Gaining Nothing... A Victory as in... Only to Prove a Point is Meaningless...If the Others involved are Hurt! or feel they been slighted...because misunderstood You!) You see in My World... there are No Arguments!...There are Only Discussions! If You ask Me a Question... better be prepared for the Answer!...because I will answer it in All Honesty... and in the Truth as I see it!...The Interpetation as You see it!... Hopefully will be in the Positive as I present it (6)I would have Steered away from the Would have!...Should Have!...Could have People! These are those People who (a)Think only Negative (b)Don't have a Dream (c)Don't Believe in Themselves let alone Others (d)Never see that they are trying to Hold You back... as well as themselves (e)Only see the Negative side to Life (f)Never have Fun or Travel because of their Fears (g)Accomplish far less in Life! because are to Closed Minded... *So never see an Open Door to Opportunity when it Opens!* *The Only Thing You can do is Steer as Clear and Far away from the People holding You back as You can... Don't ever Allow Negativity to Premeate Your Free Spirit...instead Rejoice in Life!... Not get Stuck in Your Own Boiling Juices of Self Pity!... which Negativity Only! allows. There are No Would Have! Should have! Could have!...Ok heres Your New Do It Over!... Free Pass to Joy!... If Your Honestly Reaching for the Stars then You will have the Real thing!* The Things I have been Rewarded with by Not Giving Up! My Life has been one of Many Great Things! (1) I have always had God in My Life!... (Thats as in God as I see it... God being all that is the Wonderment of Life... Not about Religion!...Politics!... or My God is better then Yours!) (2)I have been Blessed with 2 Wonderful Kids...Loving Family...and a Friends Network of Lifetime Friends *All of these... I call the Loves of My Life!...I am Always sending Wishes of Love...Hope and Happiness as well as Prayers for them for a Good Life!...Family and Friends are worth more then what Money!... can ever buy!* (3)I have gotten an Education both with College and Technical Schools (4)While in the Navy (a)I was On the 50 State Flag team while in Boot Camp (b)Saw the Last Manned Moon Shot come down Dec of 1972 (c)Saw the Cease Fire of Vietnam while in Vietnam Coastal Waters April of 1973 (d)Became a Double Shellback... meaning I Crossed the Equator 2 times on Naval Ships (e)I obtained the Ranking of a 2nd Class Petty Officer IC2 Interior Communications *The standing Naval Joke was...No matter how Petty I was... I was an Officer!...even if was Non Commissioned* (5)I have Worked Various Jobs (a)Newpaper Boy the Youngest Sacramento ever had in the 60's (I started when 8 1/2 had My 1st route at 10) (b)I have Caddied...Sold Golf balls...Softdrinks to Golf Players (c)Done Door to Door Sales (d)Landscaping (e)Ran a 84 Apartment Complex as Manager (f)Worked at a 7-11... Was even Heldup/Robbed 2 times in 4 1/2 Year period worked (g)Sold Cars (h)Hauled Garbage...Yes a Sanitary Engineer That was one time figured I threw Manually with My Arms 1 Million pounds every 6 weeks! I also walked between 7 to 10 Miles per day Up and down off the Trucks... This was for 3 Years 7 months... Thank God!... My Divorce got me out of that Business! *So never say I am to Proud!* Because as they say... "I have Paid My Dues!... to Sing My Blues!" (i)Done Construction (1)Remodels (2)Plumbing (3)Built My Pond...Patio...Car Port Frame (welded) and Roofing (4)Installed Automated Lighting and Satelite Dishes (j)Tele Communications/Road Warrior... I have been Technically in Telecommunications since the Navy Meaning Worked on Telephones and Various Communications Equipment Plus been Road Warrior Meaning stayed on the Road M-Fri usually 8 months out of Year This for almost 13 1/2 Years 1987/2001 (1) In Telecommunications Large Business Telephone/Data Cabling Installer/Cable Splicer Now as Technician Repairing/Installing Telephone Systems Memorable Jobs as Splicer These are Jobs which I was in charge of Splicing (a)North Tower Harrahs Casino Reno 1200 Rooms (b)Hewlet Packard Roseville Main 1st 3 Buildings (c)Nevada State Prisons... Lovelock...Indian Springs...(2)Carson City Nothing Like sitting in Multiple Guard Tower Firing Range sites to make You Love life (d)Federal Reserve Bank San Francisco (e)Levi's World Headquarters San Francisco (f)Tropicana Las Vegas Nevada I have been Virtual Officed I have had the Opportunity to work out of My House at one point in time for 4 1/2 Years. Where in that point in My life I did Bidding and Contracts for Business... Technical Bidding where was Responsible for Writing the Bids...Bid Submittals... I was also Responsible for Material Ordering...Sub/Contractor Relations. This was a Great time in Life! being I was even at points asked to Personally Perform the Work. The Beauty of this was in One Form... I got to take it from the Starting Point to Finishing... This was also very Rewarding because had a Good sense of Accomplishment! Customers also Loved it in the 2nd Form because pretty much had a Single Point of Contact Person. *Which I feel in Todays Society We should Return!...People Miss the Personal Touch... Plus its so Hard to Find Who You need to Contact... When You do have a Problem these Days!* *if ever want to know why I am so Egotistical sometimes... Just think how much Money has been made going over Lines My Hands Personally Touched...I Personally Terminated more Telephone wires in 1st Year as most People will see in 30 Year Career...and Built more Communication Rooms as see in TV and Movies then I can remember...Try checking into a Hotel or Motel Room and realize stayed in same Room like 3 Years before 20 minutes after checking in and will be Amazed how forgetful Your Mind can get from staying in so many... or When ask Yourself... How Do these People do it?... and You are one who has! and maybe will Laugh as I do!...to Your Own Human Fraility and how Your Mind Protects You!... from taking in Useless Thoughts!... Yeah Pack it in on Monday!... then Pack it out Friday like a Mule* *This is not Bragging!... because Credit goes to All The Great Guys and Ladies I have worked with as Teams... All The Customers and All the Business's to many for me to even remember... Where We did all the Wiring/Cabling/Phone Switches throughout Northern California...Nevada and even Texas.* *I am now Presently Employed... as Small/Large Business Phone System Repair Technician* *I am also a Creator of My Own Destiny the WebMaster of the Site this Message now Resides in *I am also a Business Owner and Entrepeneur! for no better term of the word...President and CEO of an Internet Enterprise run in Partnership or in Conjunction with My Ladyfriend and Others willing to Join Us* If You'd like to Live a Life... then never be afraid to Travel... My Life I have been a luckily allowed to be as if a Gypsy!...been a World Traveler Contrary to Popular belief You can Travel Cheaply!... (a)If Your willing to Research... (b)Mainly Go Off Season... (c)Fly Economy or Coach Class (d)Make Your Dream...Make a Plan... Work Your Plan You might just find any place You want to go if set Your Mind to obtaining it You can reach that Destination within a Year if wanted to... 1st You Must Promise Yourself You want it... Then 2nd Get the Cost so know how much it Costs you 3rd then Allow No excuses to Deter You from Your Dream! You will be Amazed How the Doors Open when Know Your Destination!...Know the Costs!...then Open Your Mind to the Possibilities. On the Ground My USA Travels My Life I 1st started as a Youth Traveling the USA I have been in 42 of the 50 US States! My Lifetime Driving I have covered as Close as I can Guess 500,000 Miles of which 32,000 has been on Motorcycles getting back and forth to Work and short Trips Also I might add have had 2 Major Lay the Bikes down and get Thrashed Accidents The 1st laid a Bike down doing about 65MPH and luckily walked away with Minor Scratches 2nd I laid a Bike down and slid for approximately 200 feet burning both Arms from Shoulder to Wrist Also taking off 3/4 of My Palm Pads on Right Hand and 1/2 of Left... Luckily I walked away being it was in Fast lane going about 35MPH in Afternoon Traffic when a Datsun Pickup decided to Pull into My Lane. Thank God for Modern Medicine and Vitamin E You'd never know it I healed up Great! Traveling in Style Most Recent Vacations 2 times across Southern Route in 2 Different Motorhomes I have owned 1st a 1982 30 foot Winnebago Chieftain 7200 Miles 2nd a 33ft 1993 Pace Arrow 7500 Miles Traveling in Air USA I have Flown Roundtrip Flights numerous times! (a) I have been across the USA 8 times (b)Sacramento to Oklahoma 2 times (c) Sacramento to LA or San Diego 20 times (d)Sacramento to Vegas 10 times (e)Sacramento to Texas 2 times (f)Sacramento to Denver 2 times World Travels Personal I have been to Italy 7 times 1990 to 96... add New York to Milan Air (7) Trained Through Countries (a)Great Britain the UK... (2) times across English Channel 1st to Belgium...2nd France 1990 (b)Belgium (c)Germany (d)Austria (e)Italy (f)Switzerland (g)France US Navy Travels 1972 to 1975 Across Pacific Ocean Naval Ships 5 times Air(1) Clark AFB Philipines to Travis AFB California State/Countries Seen (a)Hawaii 22 times (b)Philipines 8 months total time Subic Bay...Manila...Far as Caveate Bus Travel (c)Hong Kong 2 times (d)Singapore 1 time (e)Mombasa Kenya Africa 1 time (f)Sasabo Japan 1 time *if You Figure all the Nautical Miles... Ships I have traveled on actually went!... You might be Amazed as I am... The Worldly Sea Travels I have been on... These aboard the USS Camdem AOE2 and the USS Kittyhawk CV63 Both once the Most Steaming at Sea Naval Ships in the Fleet... 2 1/2 West Pacs* You see the thing is I have been out of High School now 31 Years... I have had My Trials and Tribulations! You can say Yeah I have hit the Ground Running!...but the Beauty of it is!... I am here Today because I have always seen the Beauty in Life!...though also too...Seen Negativity!...I feel My Postive Side has Won out more then Negative!and Yes I have My Pet Peeves!...but I have never let Things Truly get Me down! Though if I were to admit that I didn't like. (a)Loss of My Kids Childhood/Child Support Payments! (b)Divorce! (c)Changing Jobs! (d)Moving between Homes/Places! (e)Changing Friends/Partners! (f)Walking away from Opportunities that didn't work! *I Do Advocate Child Support... Support is a Responsibility! to Help Your Kids! I also Do Not Advocate No Visitation!... because You want Ex Spouse out of Life! Just because Parents do not get along...is no Reason to Stop either!* Truth Be Told...There are Few Things I'd Change I will now Openingly admit without these in My Life!... I Would Not Probably be the Interesting Person I am! Nor would I have had the Courage to Change the things in Life I Needed Changed. Human Nature and Common sense... Should Tell You but doesn't... Hey Got to do Something about this Quirk in Your Personality!... The thing is usually... Least with My Own Human Laziness I didn't...Till its was brought to My Attention! The thing is Honestly I have Personality Traits Others never Liked... but also have to Admit if didn't have them! I Would Not be the Person I Truly Am... because they Protect Me and Others from taking Each Other for Granted! Call it a Personality Defect or whatever its what Makes Us all Unique! it Makes Us Who We are! I Give Thanks for My Life it Truly has been Fun! So Needless to Say Not All Has been Totally said about My Life!...Plus I Have Hopefully a Long Future! but Needed to say at 31 Years out of High School I am Doing Great!... and Now have Counted My Many Blessing and say in Conclusion!...Man I sure am Glad!!!... I Never Gave Up!!! Hopefully Never will You either!!! Author Gerald G Vandecar BigJer53 www.bigjer53.com |